The word “authenticity” gets thrown around a lot these days, and I’m never sure what people mean by it. I’m sure we all know one or two people who would say about themselves, “I have no filter” and feel like that somehow makes them more honest or real than other people. This, to me, feels like a shallow concept of what it means to be authentic. Authenticity takes mindfulness and insight. It is an ongoing, conscious process that actually requires some serious effort. Authenticity is about representing yourself in the most genuine way possible, and is far too complex to happen automatically.
We know that we have automatic thoughts, often quite negative, about ourselves. We have them about our thoughts, our feelings, and our actions. We have them about the things we say. A lot of the time, this shows up in cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are essentially the shitty ways our brains convince us that something is true when there is no reason to believe it (there will be attached links to lists and explanations below). A type of distortion most people can relate to is catastrophizing. When we catastrophize, we convince ourselves that a situation will have the worst possible outcome. Another cognitive distortion most of us have experience with is polarized thinking (also sometimes called black-and-white thinking). This happens when we view everything as an “either/or” scenario, ignoring the gray area and complexities of life.
Our brains are, frustratingly, really great at tricking us into being incredibly negative. So why would we think that this is only a process that applies to the thoughts we have about ourselves? If we are having these reactions to ourselves, doesn’t it make sense that something similar would happen about other people, other situations? Sometimes we have an automatic reaction to something that is not representative of who we really are. This shows up somewhere that is deeply embedded in our society, and therefore in all of us—prejudice and bias. We live in a world of stereotypes, no matter how much we don’t want to. Racism, xenophobia, antisemitism, fatphobia, ableism, elitism, and more, all woven into the fabric of our environment and all coloring our various perspectives in different ways. As much as we all want to be removed from that, none of us are. But that doesn’t mean we have to embrace it. We can learn to correct ourselves, based on our knowledge, experience, and values, rather than the stuff we’ve trained ourselves and each other to overlook.
This is why I say authenticity is not about having no filter. Real authenticity, the authenticity I would encourage anyone to strive for, is looking through the options at hand, and choosing what filters to apply. Doing this requires taking the time and putting in the effort to not just assess our own values, but to consciously and continuously choose to apply them. There are multiple ways to go about this. This is something that can be worked through in therapy to get the most depth and understanding. But this is also something you can do on your own, through discussions with supportive people, journaling, or even completing a values inventory (examples provided below).
Here’s my real-life example. Grammar. I was raised to be an absolute grammar nut. I don’t actually care about grammar at all, and policing people’s grammar is not at all in line with my values (which include accessibility and inclusion). Grammar policing is both elitist and ableist, and incredibly unnecessary. But old habits die hard, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t still pop into my head fairly regularly. But just because it is the first thing that pops into my head doesn’t mean it is authentic. So why would I want to blurt something like that out, when it’s not only out of alignment with my values, but also has the potential to be hurtful and harmful?
The bottom line is this: we all react sometimes. We can’t help it. But we can step into true authenticity by seeing through our reaction to who we really are.
For further reading (I am not affiliated with any of these sources)
Links for more information on cognitive distortions:
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/20-cognitive-distortions-and-how-they-affect-your-life-0407154
https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/
Checklist of cognitive distortions:
Values inventory websites:
https://www.lifevaluesinventory.org
Balance Without Scales 
Bravo!!! And glad you are writing again! Publish this!♥️♥️♥️
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Very well written. Very interesting!
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